There is no reason for any grown adult to play the victim role unless they’re actually a victim of crime. If not, it’s manipulative.
In April 2011, I decided to head to San Diego to have lunch with an old buddy. He had a trouble past and a bit of a downer, but he made the best with the cards he was dealt. In addition, I saw it as an opportunity to catch up with him. We both haven’t talked for awhile and I usually make the effort to catch up with old friends.
During lunch, we picked up where we left off. We talked about our careers, dating life, family, politics, current news, and sports. It was like old times. Unfortunately, he was still going through hard times and still the same downer. However, I’ve grown to know his antics throughout the years and I’ve become very understanding of his situations. At times.
With that said, as I listened, I started to realized he was the cause of all his problems. The way he was being treated by women, his career stagnation, and still having the same problems as he did in college. He was still playing the victim role. The same old songs. ‘It’s no my fault.’ ‘They did this to me and I was taken advantage.’ ‘I’m never appreciated.’ I started to grow wary yet annoyed of the conversation.
As I sat there, I wondered if he ever did any self-reflection regarding his actions. In 2011, I was around 30 and he was a few years younger than me. We’ve been out of college for more than five years and I know I’ve grown up a lot. However, I didn’t think he did by the way he still approached his problems. I asked him, “Have you ever looked at why you’re in these situations? Have you thought about how to avoid them?”
I was trying to be subtle about it being his fault. However, he didn’t understand the point I was trying to convey to him. Well, it was that or he didn’t want to take responsibility for his actions. I told him that he should try to date other types of women instead of the usually ones he dates. He simply replied, “But those are the ones I’m attracted to. I can’t help that.” Then I suggested he should be opened to his manager’s advice and he shouldn’t take the criticism personally. He replied, “No dude. I work my ass off for him. He’s just a piece of shit who doesn’t value my efforts.”
At that moment, I realized he hasn’t grown up much and I was wasting my breathe trying to talk some sense into him. He was still playing the victim role like he did in college. I thought it was unfortunate cause he was a very smart and charismatic person. He had a lot of potential to really succeed in life. He had a way with people, but I realized his goal was to manipulate people to sympathize with him.
Don’t Play The Victim Role. It’s Annoying.